it's been a long time since i last write.i'm really going to change my layout. less clutter, bigger words and space. but definitely after my exams. man, talking about exams, marketing and law on the same day!!! they are trying to kill us!!
I am resigning from my job... i just couldn't believe it... i can't believe i made such a big step... i couldn't believe i finally went through the whole resignation procedure and most of all, how much i will miss working there. When the words came out of my mouth, i really feel like taking it back. But it set things in motion. Once you start, you really can't stop. Especially when you have been thinking for a long time about it. But when i told my senior about it, i really feel very depressed. I think i've been feeling quite bad since i broke the news. It's this feeling of heart ache, when i think of all the time i spent in there. All the friends i have made there. I spent alot of happy times there. When i feel lousy about school or about my family, i usually go work, crap with my seniors and colleagues and feel so much better. It just feel like my second home. The people i met there are so so special. I hardly meet other people more generous and patient with me. I don't think i can win any best employee award or something there yet most of the time they are really tolerant to my crappy mistakes and my idiosyncracies. After i told my manager, i thought, can i just tell them the next day i was kidding and it's all a September joke or something? Suddenly, i just can imagine how life will feel after i stop working there. It feels so ... i dunno. There is this hollow feeling i get in my stomach when i think about it. The one month notice is really torturous. I feel like just hiding in my room.
I'm 22 already... It's a threshold to responsibilities and maturity. I know some people reach it much earlier than me but sometimes you don't want to let go of youth. There is a barrier around you when you are young. You have your parents to comfort and protect you. But i know that this can't last forever. My parents are growing old, and sometimes they remind me that at their age, i'm suppose to look after them, not the other way round. It's rather painful when they say it but i know it's very true. I have to step off from the caccoon and to the real world. I have so much that i need to improve and change. But i just want to hide in my room sometimes.
