A usual day 0_o

Hmm... found out today that i need to start school on Wed. This news gave me a tingle of anticipation. Yay!! Studying again! I know it sounds odd but i think being a student, studying gives me a sense of purpose. (Well, i know i won't say that after a month into the term. o_o) Holidays are fun but it feels a little empty somehow. At least this holiday. I think it must be because i didn't accomplish much.
What a hot hot weather today. Today is the first day of the Chinese Lunar month so i am going to stay clear of all meat. As of all first and fifteen of each lunar month, i helped my mom with the preparation of all the stuff we need to burn. It is a long and tedious process. Other than the preparation itself in which we need to fold alot of hell papers into ingots, my family's tradition is that we pray at our house, followed by the temple housing my mother's side ancestors and lastly, by my late grandfather from my father's side. It is tiring but i have to confess that finishing the whole process give us a sense of accomplishment. Sometimes i wonder why we have to go through it. It is what a lot of people will consider a waste of time. But i think it is for a peace of mind. Call me superstitious, and i think alot of people will, but i believe in the existence of the afterlife. (i think i'm beginning to sound like a crank now.) Another reason why i do that is also because i have to help my mom sometimes. If i don't help her, she have to do it all alone. I do get lazy and escape from it alot, but i will help out when i can. Sometimes i'm really glad that i have a bunch of friends who can understand my weird lifestyle. When i tell them that i need to do this, they'll be considerate. (it helps that they are Buddhist.)
My grandmother was asleep when i visited the house. She looked so vulnerable and small when she sleeps. My grandmother is over ninety years old and she's so small she doesn't take up much space on her huge bed. It's been eleven years since my grandfather passed away yet she still keep to her side of the bed. It's achingly sad. I heard that she still stare at my grandfather's picture and cry sometimes. Life is... i don't know...
My mom and i went for a celebratory ice cream after that. I have to say, but the ice cream shop at Serene Center is really healthy. No preservative, no artificial anything and from personal experience, not sweet too. i was unsettled when i tasted the first bite. So health freaks, you know where to go.
I'm watching the anime Blood+ now. Woah, it's really gory and mysterious. Just my cup of tea. It's a story narrating a seemingly young girl Saya, who's blood kills vampires. She's an immortal who live a couple of lifespans trying to kill humanity's sworn enemy, who is also her (guess what?) sister. (Yes, yes, what a cliche.) The storyline is interesting, always keep you guessing, and the characters are multi-dimentional. (I love Haji.) It is not as nice as Samurai Champloo, Full metal panic and Full metal alchemist (Just watch the movie and was rather disappointed). but it is fun.
Ah, the end of my holidays. I have this overwhelming feeling to buy alot of stationery for the new term. ( all the G-techs, Pilots and U-zone calling for me.) Yah, and to get a new school diary. Hmm... love being a student. I will miss the carefree days of the holidays, but school beckons.

Wasted holiday! Argh.

Next week school will start. As much as i anticipate the prospect of going school again to study, i felt that the 3 weeks of holiday seemed so fleeting. I didn't even get to do the things i set out to do! Bugger. ( * i'm juz wondering if i should change my blogskin. The words are so tiny that it makes reading difficult. Argh. Have to re edit all the html again.*)

What did i say i want to do for my holidays again?

1. Go little India myself after work. But just can't muster the effort to go, usually exhausted after work but honestly, Mustafa Center is the best after 11pm. I love the place, so many things to see and browse.
2. Start Gardening. Couldn't pick up the spade. Sigh... i'm so procrastinative. (Wait, where is the spade now?) Bugger. I enjoy planting and growing plants, especially herbs because they smell really nice. Since i grow them without using pesticides and chemicals, they can be used for cooking and other stuff too.
3. Buying clothes and shoes. No money. 'nuff said. But i probably have to buy some t shirts and a new pair of slippers for school.
4. Create a blog. That i manage to do. I want to be more internet and computer savvy and to practice my flagging English.
5. Read more books. Oddly enough, i'm way below my average of 7 to 8 books per holiday. This holiday i only read 3 books. The rest are computer books. Yes computer books. I never thought i will ever be interested in computer stuff.
6. To go out more. In fact, i think i have become a hermit. Having internet and a personal laptop has really open up a new world to me so much that i think i don't want to go out so often. Yes i know, i'm nuts but i only get internet access this year. Have i failed to mention this but my family lived in the stone age.
7. Lose weight, exercise more. Ultimate and total failure.
8. Yes, to get in touch with my religion more. I have been neglecting my religion. During my exams, i started to think i need soul replenishment. Don't you think that after some time, you feel tainted and affected by all the rubbish (bad aura) around us? I do. That's why sometimes i hide at home. Everything is so much less complicated when you have a moment of solitude. I love going to the temple. When i enter one, i usually feel a sense of peace. All the noise (in all sense.) dies away and i feel enveloped in calmness and ,for some reasons unknown, happiness. I love the smell of incense (but not when it start sticking to my hair and clothes.), the glitter of the statues and the flickers of flames on candles. Perhaps the feelings are purely psychological, although saying that seem to undermine the significance of Buddhism to me. I think everybody should have a religion to find the inner balance. Any religion that suits you. But it never fail to make me sad when i see the prejudice people have on Buddhism. Some say it is old-fashioned, superstitious, for the aunties, and simply worshipping empty statues. Each to its own. But people should read more on Buddhism to understand the history and meaning behind it before criticizing it.

All these goals and 80% undone. Sigh... Wonder if i can squeeze these goals all by this weekend? Never hurt to try. -_-

Better English

I had an interesting talk with my friend, Indian Lotus, from school yesterday. It started with our indignation with our exam results (more on that later) and move on to the subject of our country. She said that though Singlish do give us our cultural identity, it is detrimental to the standard of English in Singapore. i was unconvinced at first, until i remember the various times i couldn't find a way to express myself in English because i had been using Singlish, Mandarin, Hokkien and Cantonese to substitute it. Although it is easier for Singaporean communicating this way but what happens when we travel overseas or when we need to present an important meeting in front of foreign businessmen? They would not be able to understand us. In fact, as much as i will like to think i can switch off Singlish when the time comes for me to speak proper English, Singlish is far too deeply entrenched in me. I will unknowingly drop the " 'll " and the " 're " and say embarrassing things like"the colour is blue." and "pronounciation". I think to speak good English is vital for Singaporeans. We might not need to cut off all Singlish but we have to ensure that our spoken and written English are grammatically correct. There is one interesting article on it at this link. Read at your own risk. http://www.mrbrown.com/blog/musings/index.html on Friday, June 16, 2006 (i had to read it twice before i can grasp what it says.

Actually, my idea to start a blog actually started when i realised that my school essays usually suck because i always couldn't express myself very well. I always write long and draggy paragraphs that frustrates my teachers to the point that they tear their hair off and give me results that reflect that. So i decided i need practice. >_<

It seems weird. I used to like writing. I even got complimented on my writing when i when i was in primary and secndary school. What happen?

usual unpredictable day >_<

Today is a normal shift work day. I went to work with a really heavy heart thinking of all the mistakes and mishaps that could happen. My premature trepidations was justified. I was late by 5 minutes. Salary deducted. Bugger. Well, i knew i'll be late. But... it could be avoided if i had taken a cab... and spend an overwhelming $7. At least the money that is deducted is not as much as what i will spend on a taxi ride. Still... I spent a full minute on self-pity. Reached the place perspiring and red on my face since i needed to run as the bus does't stop in front of Taka. Except for that slight hiccup, the day went off smoothly. (Touch Wood. Superstitious me.) I made mistakes and received the usual exaggerated frowns and exclamations of "how can you make such a mistake!" as i try to find places to run and hide. Sometimes, I wonder how my seniors' sanity remain intact with me around. (Well, one of them is leaving and she did stare hard at me when she announced that but...no proof the reason's me.) One of my senior said that working with me is always "entertaining". Hmm.

Sometimes i feel like quiting. The pressure of working and studying at the same time is staggering. Especially the last few weeks of the last term. I slept an average of 4 hours every night trying to finish all my assignments and exam revisions. I also have little personal time of my own to meet my friends, family, do revisions and pursue my hobbies. Yet, for every moment i think of quiting, some occasions hold me back-some shared laughter with my seniors or friends there; when i make a mistake and was not scolded; when i feel happy i accomplished a task. I really like working there sometimes. Especially when there are fellow part timers with me and i can joke, talk with them. The people there are essentially nice, supportive and friendly people. (and really patient ones to stand all my random mistakes and blurness) It will be difficult to find another job with such congenial working environment. Money is also another factor. It is empowering to earn your own money, to quit relying on your parents so much and adding excess burden to them. Although it is stressful now, i know i need this experience.

Back to my day. The reason i was late was in my lunchbox. When i open the lunchbox today, it was quite the centre of attention. My manager who ate with me on Monday already warned the rest. "Look like canned dog food."she had said to them. "Smells weird." The senior leaving soon said with a frown and she passed my lunchbox around. I make up my mind not to sit beside her again. Luckily they change the topic to why i don't eat carbo or they'll soon be stabbed by my plastic fork.

I had a throbbing headache when i left work. When i went up the bus, i realised to my horror that i don't have any more credit to my ez-link hard. What luck, what joy. I had to change my lucky $2 note with some disconcerted passengers as happy passengers behind me rushed up to claim the best seats. I have to resign sitting beside a person who kept talking to himself and give off B.O. I had to bury my nose in my bag pretending to sleep.

Well, couldn't say my day is perfect today. It certainly has its up and down. But that's life i guess. I couldn't ask for anything more. :)